Resources
For survivors and those who support them
I Am Here
I have survived.
I wrestled the dark nights of shame.
I am here.
My tears have soaked my pillows
In spite of you I have found my way.
My soul dances for joy in the midst of my pain, agony and trauma.
I am here.
And now I dance, I run, and I bow my head to the courage within me.
I am no longer what happened to me.
I am what I choose to become
A heart warrior.
—Dr. Stuart Lord
Why Face The Pain?
Many people have asked me why I would put myself through such an ordeal of opening these old wounds. Why did I force myself to expose the truth of my sexual abuse and relive such painful experiences? I could have just kept my secrets buried deep in my soul.
1. These memories were buried, but not peacefully.
My secrets were eating away at my soul and I could no longer stand the thought of living through another day of hiding from my dark past.
2. I know there are so many other children suffering like me.
Afraid. Embarrassed. Alone.
I knew that if I could find the courage to speak out, I could offer these children the help that I so desperately needed, but never received. So, I am telling my story…my truth in hopes that it will give courage to other children and adults living with the guilt and agony.
I knew that I needed to tell my story and open up myself for healing so that I would be able to raise awareness about abuse.
3. I also knew that because of my painful experiences, I had a very strong source of power lying dormant deep within me.
It was clear that if I could transform my anger, and therefore myself, I would be able to unlock my true potential—a potential to do great things to serve humanity and live the fullest life that God had intended for me.
There is healing & Power to be found on the other side of your Pain.
The Other #Metoo
Male Sexual Abuse Survivors
While our society is well aware of female victims, often male victims of sexual assault are forgotten or neglected due to shame, stigma, and the like.
at least 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before their 18th birthday.
This number rises to 1 in 4 men who experience unwanted sexual events across their lifetime.
To wrap your head around those numbers, picture a large college football stadium filled with 100,000 seats. If the audience was solely male, that would mean that at least 25,000 men have been or will be sexually assaulted. That number is staggering.
The public and some health care providers may hear the words “men” and “sexual assault” and automatically assume men are the perpetrators. Somehow, seeing men as targets of sexual violence is difficult to comprehend. It is hard for most men to see themselves as victims or as someone who has been abused.
That is one of the reasons we encourage the men with whom we work to see themselves as survivors—a small but important change in language that connotes resilience and empowerment.
Moving forward after sexual Abuse
Information provided by Safe Place, Inc.
The effects of sexual assault on victims and their loved ones can be felt psychologically, emotionally and physically.
It is important to remember that there is no one “normal” reaction to sexual assault. Every individual’s response will be different depending on the situation. Healing from rape or sexual assault takes time.
Some things to consider for taking care of yourself as you recover from a rape or sexual assault:
Counseling – A Safe Place provides free and confidential supportive counseling and trauma therapy for you and your loved ones to help process what happened.
Journal or Diary – Some survivors find that recording their thoughts and feelings in a journal or diary helps them manage their emotions after an assault.
Meditation or relaxation exercises help many survivors as well.
Surround yourself with positive people – It’s important to make sure that the people in your life are supportive. Nurture relationships with people that make you feel good about yourself!
It is never too late to call for help – Even if the attack happened years ago, it’s never too late to get help. Many survivors do not realize they need help until months or years later
Physical Self-Care – We all function better when our bodies are healthy. Therefore, taking care of your physical needs is important in the aftermath of a stressful situation like sexual assault. We tend to underestimate the value of things like eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and getting a good night’s sleep.
Emotional Self-Care – Understanding the importance of your emotional well-being is the start of living a healthy lifestyle.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”
—Maya Angelou
Reading List
Surviving Trauma & Sexual Abuse
Transforming The Living Legacy of Trauma: A Workbook for Survivors and Therapists
Fostering Resilient Learners: Strategies for Creating a Trauma-Sensitive Classroom
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
Repair for Kids: A Children's Program for Recovery from Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse
I Can’t Cry For The Boogie Man: Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse
Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook (Practical Companion to Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse)
Naming Our Abuse: God's Pathways to Healing for Male Sexual Abuse Survivors
After Shocks: The Poetry of Recovery for Life-Shattering Events by Tom Lombardo
Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson
Girl in the Woods by Patricia Macdonald
Bestiary by Donika Kelly
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine
The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse by Staci Haines
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Resources
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RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
Confidential 24/7 support
Phone: 800-656-4673
Live Chat: online.rainn.org
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National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)
Resources for survivors, families and friends, advocates and educators, and media.
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Caring for Kids: What Parents need to Know
“Tools to…support children who have been victims of sexual abuse, …body safety, and guidance on how to respond when children disclose.”
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MenHealing: Help for Male Survivors
MenHealing is a non-profit offering day and weekend recovery retreats for male survivors.
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Preventing Child Sexual Abuse
NSVRC’s “information and tools for caretakers, organizations and communities assuming the responsibility of preventing child sexual abuse.”
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What is sexual assault?
“‘Sexual assault’ is when you are forced, coerced or tricked into doing sexual things when you don’t want to.”
—ReachOut -
What is Sexual Abuse & Assault
“Any type of sexual activity or contact, including rape, that happens without your consent.”
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Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
RAINN shares answers to difficult questions and helps us understand sexual assault of men and boys.
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Child Welfare Information Gateway
A list of organizations providing information and resources for families and survivors of child sexual abuse.
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National Organizations Working Against Sexual Assault
From the Center for Changing our Campus Culture
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NSVRC Directory
“Lists state and territory sexual assault coalitions, victim/survivor support organizations, and local communities of color sexual assault organizations.”
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Trauma-Informed Care
From the Administration for Children & Families, FAQs about trauma-informed care for sexual abuse victims
If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one Life the Aching
Or cool one in pain
Or help one fainting Robin
Unto his Nest again,
I shall not live in Vain.
— Emily Dickinson